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If you are worried about your friend’s eating behaviors or
attitudes, it is important to express your concerns in a loving and supportive way. It is
also necessary to discuss your worries early on, rather than waiting until your friend has
endured many of the damaging physical and emotional effects of eating disorders. In a
private and relaxed setting, talk to your friend in a calm and caring way about the
specific things you have seen or felt that have caused you to worry. |
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| What
to Say - Step by Step |
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| Set a
time to talk. Set aside a time for a private, respectful meeting with
your friend to discuss your concerns openly and honestly in a caring, supportive way. Make
sure you will be some place away from other distractions. |
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| Communicate
your concerns. Share your memories of
specific times when you felt concerned about your friend’s eating or exercise
behaviors. Explain that you think these things |
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| Ask
your friend to explore these concerns with a counselor, doctor, nutritionist, or other health
professional who is knowledgeable about eating issues. If you feel comfortable doing so,
offer to help your friend make an appointment or accompany your friend on their first
visit. |
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| Avoid
conflicts or a battle of the wills with your friend. If your friend
refuses to acknowledge that there is a problem, or any reason for you to be concerned,
restate your feelings and the reasons for them and leave yourself open and available as a
supportive listener. |
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| Avoid
placing shame, blame, or guilt on your friend regarding
their actions or attitudes. Do not use accusatory "you" statements like,
"You just need to eat." Or, "You are acting irresponsibly." Instead,
use "I" statements. For example: "I’m concerned about you because you
refuse to eat breakfast or lunch." Or, "It makes me afraid to hear you
vomiting." |
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| Avoid
giving simple solutions.
For example, "If you’d just stop, then
everything would be fine!" |
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| Express
your continued support. Remind your friend that
you care and want your friend to be healthy and happy |
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| After talking with your friend, if you are still
concerned with their health and safety, find a trusted adult or medical professional to
talk to. This is probably a challenging time for both of you. It could be helpful for you,
as well as your friend, to discuss your concerns and seek assistance and support from a
professional. |
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